Saturday, December 4, 2010

I AM A WOLF...





I AM NOT BLIND
NOT DEAF
I SEE AND HEAR
QUITE WELL

THE MOON
MY LIGHT
THE WIND
MY FRIEND

CARRYING
MY VOICE
TO THE WORLD
AND BEYOND

THE SCENT
OF LIFE IS RAW
LIKE A
NEW WOUND

LIKE A
CRIPPLED FAWN
ON PURE
WHITE SNOW

I AM
THE PIECES
OF WHAT WAS
AND IS NO MORE

I AM ALIVE
BECAUSE
THE FAWN
IS NOT

CRUEL
YOU SAY...
I AM
A WOLF...

Bobby Jameson Dec 4, 2010

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

LIVE FAST...DIE YOUNG





RAGTOP CHEVY
SHAKE RATTLE
AND ROLLIN
DOWN THE
HIGHWAY OF
LOVE
UNDERNEATH
A BLUE
KENTUCKY MOON...

HEADED FOR
MEMPHIS
WITH A
LES PAUL
PLATTER
TEARIN UP
MY RADIO AND
MY DUNGAREE
DOLL MOANIN LOW...

MOVE OVER
SUCKERS
THIS IS MAYBELLINE
COMIN THROUGH
AND JOHNNY
IS GOOD
TONIGHT...HE'S
ROCKIN ROUND
THE CLOCK...

SIPPY SUCK SUCK
ON A
HALF PINT HIGH
WITH A
SMOLDERIN
RUBY ON
MY LUCKY STRIKE
MY CHICK'S LIPS
CURLED IN A SMILE...

I CAN LIVE
MY LIFE IN
A DAY BABY
IT AIN'T THE
LONG HAUL
FOR ME...I WANNA
LIVE FAST...DIE YOUNG
AND HAVE A
GOOD LOOKIN CORPSE...

Bobby Jameson dec 1, 2010

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

STACKING TOOTHPICKS...





AN ALL NIGHTER
IN HELL...
THOUGHTS OF
SUICIDE
RUMBLE
THROUGH MY
HEAD...

POTENT
MEMORIES
LIKE A BLACK
WIDOW SPIDER
CRAWL FROM
THE CORNERS
OF MY MIND...

THIS PLACE...
THIS TIME...
SMELLS LIKE
DYING LILIES
HUMPED UP
AGAINST THE
WALL OF
NEVER MIND...

THE EXCUSES OF
LOVED ONES
TOO BUSY
STACKING
TOOTHPICKS
TO REACH OUT
WITH A
GENTLE WORD...

SELFISH LIPS
PURSED IN
SILENCE...
EYES THAT STARE
THROUGH MY
GLASS FACE...
ANNOYED BY
MY TEDIOUS
NEED FOR LOVE...

Bobby Jameson Nov 24, 2010

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

SHADOW HUNTER






I WAIT LIKE A BEGGAR
AT THE DOOR OF THIEVES
HOPING FOR CRUMBS
FROM THEIR TABLE...
A TABLE BUILT WITH
MY OWN HANDS
FASHIONED FROM FINE WOOD
GATHERED IN MY YOUTH...

I STAND LIKE A PAUPER
AMIDST THIER LIES...
RIDICULED
FOR MY MISERY
A MISERY STAMPED
ON ME BY THOSE
WHO BARTER NOW
WITH THAT WHICH
THEY TOOK FROM ME...

MY PATIENCE WORN THIN
I PLEDGE
I WILL NOT DIE...
I WAIT LIKE A
HUNGRY WOLF
FOR THEIR DEMISE
I THE WOLF
THE SHADOW HUNTER
WELL MATCHED AGAINST
THEIR SOFT FLESH...

Bobby Jameson Oct, 1 2009

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

I AM A ROCK





LONELY....
LIKE A STONE
THROWN TO
THE GROUND

LEFT ALONE
IN THE MINCED
MEAT OF MY
SORROW....

TRAVELERS...
UNAWARE OF
MY DISTRESS
PASS BY

LAUGHING
AS THEY GO
DEAF TO MY
CRIES...

WAIT....
COME BACK
I WANT TO
TALK...

I WANT TO
LIVE...
TO MOVE
TO BREATHE

I AM A ROCK
A STUPID
ROCK...
NOTHING MORE...

Bobby Jameson Oct 26, 2010

Sunday, October 24, 2010

PICKWICK DAY OF EVERGREEN




GREY SKY
MORNING
WASHED
ACROSS THE
PICKWICK DAY
OF EVERGREEN

SHADES OF
MARBLED
MEMORIES
ROLL THROUGH
MY WATERCOLOR
MIND

A LONE
TRAVELER
HUNCHED IN
HIS OWN PARADE
ALONG THE
COBBLESTONE

GREETS ME
WITH A
WARM SMILE
AND TWINKLING
EYES OF BLUE
THEN VANISHES

IT IS CAPTURED
FOREVER
IN THE ARMS
OF MY THOUGHTS
AS I LONG
FOR...

ANOTHER
GREY SKY
MORNING
AND A
PICKWICK DAY
OF EVERGREEN......

Bobby Jameson Oct 24. 2010

Monday, September 20, 2010

Headaches...






I stand alone at four in the morning, moaning and cursing the pain in my head..
Can't sleep.... Just stare at the foggy sky wondering if I will ever get better.... wondering if I will ever have a time without this pain.....Twelve years of it... day and night....all day...everyday... and night........I watch the red tip of my cigarette glow in the semi light..... me and a smoke.....and the headache....the endless hell of non-stop misery.....

I am trying as hard as I have ever tried in my life to get along with the world...and failing miserably....I am prone to outbursts of anger, fueled by this ever present torture.... I don't know how to cope any better than I am...maybe I should just go...and leave the world alone......escape into solitude.........loneliness.......

I am always lured back to the world because of that....because of the loneliness.... my need to connect....to bring something to show...to tell someone about..... I make the mistake of complaining out loud...telling anyone who will listen how much it hurts....trusting I am amongst friends....... like a boomerang my words come back like another nail in my coffin....

My head explodes, and I am engulfed in explanations that go nowhere.... my frustration at my own stupidity for speaking out in public leave me suspect in my own eyes....I was trying.....I was really trying not to let this happen...another failure...another regret to throw on the endless heap of regrets called me.....like a child bewildered, I lash out at the email hell littered with comments.....

I am electronic in my need to hide...to dispose of you....me...them....us.......I run wildly through the universe of meddling applications....inflicting the crime of deletion on all I encounter.....Like a madman unleashed I destroy all I can touch within my pathetic realm of empty promises....I settle back into my victory, which is my defeat.....my misery......my loneliness of mesmerizing pain in my head.....

Sunday, September 19, 2010

PUZZLE MAN





I was a puzzle. A bunch of different experiential pieces that were totally dissimilar to the experiences of those in the world around me. Pieces by themselves, unassembled, which did not portray in any cohesive way a picture of my collective self.

These pieces were in a box in my head, and they just sat there. Occasionally a new piece was added to the box, confusing further any clear notion of what the pieces would represent, should they ever be joined together forming a single character.

A human set of fragments, strewn across the filthy floor of my own house of demons. Cascading emotions and super charged flashbacks flowing in an endless array of deadly memories through my mind and body.

To see me sitting almost perfectly still you would not have guessed that I was engulfed in the kind of turmoil I was in. I would have appeared at ease to any onlooker, even comfortable, while in truth I was not even present.

The shades and textures of a human being are created and changed over time by all that they have been and now are. The social continuity of a culture is born out of the collective similarities of everyday experience.

But when you have a human being, whose experience is totally dissimilar to the experiences of those around him, then the one will be different than the many, and will find it difficult to assimilate or integrate into the world around him.

I could not integrate myself into the world around me. I stood outside like a beggar at the window, hiding the pieces of myself from your view, afraid of what you'd think. In Tucson, I was a nobody on crutches. In Hollywood I was thought of as crazy, but I was still Bobby Jameson.

This was my catch-22 reality. Mentally, I was neither in Tucson nor Hollywood. I was hopelessly split somewhere between them. Always wanting to leave where I was to get to where I thought I should be, and once there, would question my own presence.

As I sat in my wheelchair in the living room of my mother's house, I looked down at my left arm and stared at the needle marks. I looked at my mother, seemingly unaware, of the tragedy all around her. My brother Quentin, nodding out from drugs on the couch and all the while the TV chattering in the background.

In this surreal setting, I knew something had to change. I was broken and loaded on smack and booze in a goddamn wheelchair in Arizona going nowhere. As my eyes traveled over this scene, I knew then the heroin had to go, and I had to get out of there. I vowed to myself that I would pull it together and fight my way back.

After some months, my casts were cut off while having two metal pins removed from my ankle that had worked themselves loose. My left leg, from the thigh down to the calf, was emaciated from no movement for over half a year. It looked like the leg of someone who'd spent time in a prison camp.

The first time I put weight on it without a cast, the pain was unbearable. But with the aid of alcohol and pills I finally got to where I could tolerate it. I was slowly but surely piecing myself back together like frankenstein.

I was a wreckage, posing as a human being. Where once I'd had a clear picture of myself and my purpose, I was now fragmented into so many pieces, it was hard to know what I'd become or where I was headed. Again, I was like a fully assembled puzzle that someone had picked up and dropped on the floor.

I had only a vague sense of what I was doing. In reality I was wandering around as a damaged group rather than a whole human being. Unaware of the truly splintered nature of my psyche, I continued to grope, unsuccessfully, for anything resembling a normal life.

Saturday, September 4, 2010

THE BULLSEYE OF LIES




THE HAPPY CHILD
PUSHED THROUGH
THE FUNNEL
OF SOCIETY'S
KILLER INSTINCT
DESTINATION NOWHERE....

FRAGILE MINDS
GROPED BY RELIGION
LIARS SPREADING
RUMORS
DRESSED UP
AS MORALITY
AND GOODNESS....

THE TERROR
OF SHAME
STITCHED INTO
THE FLESH OF
THE YOUNG
PRAISED AS A
LOFTY BURDEN....

GO GET EM JR.
EDUCATE AND
MATRICULATE
INTO HELL'S
OWN SYSTEM....

REGURGITATE AND
INCORPORATE
YOUR SPLINTERED
KNOWLEDGE INTO
A SOLDIER'S
LOST HONOR....

PROTECT
THE BUSINESS
OF WAR...
RELIGION....AND
THE MANUFACTURING
OF FLAGS
AND STATUETTES.....

ALL HAIL THE
CONQUERING ZOMBIES
THE RIFF RAFF OF
MODERN LIFE
PINNED ON THE
BULLSEYE OF LIES.........

Robert Parker Jameson Sep 4, 2010

Thursday, August 26, 2010

THERE WERE TIMES
























THERE WERE TIMES

WHEN I HEARD YOU

CALLING MY NAME

THERE WERE TIMES

WHEN I KNEW

IT WAS YOU

BUT MY HEART

WAS AS SAD

AS THE CRYING

OF A RIVER

AND MY TEARS

WERE LIKE

CRYSTALS OF BLUE


THERE WERE TIMES

IN THE NIGHT

WHEN I COULDN'T

FIND YOU

TIMES I WAS LOST

AND ALONE

YOU LIFTED

MY HEART

FROM THE DARKNESS

AROUND ME

AND HELD ME

AND MADE ME

YOUR OWN


YOU SET ME FREE

ON THE WIND

LIKE AN EAGLE

HELD ME

AND CARRIED

ME HOME

YOU GAVE ME

COURAGE

TO TRUST

IN MY WINGS

UNTIL I

COULD FLY

ON MY OWN


Robert Parker Jameson Aug 26, 2010

Monday, July 12, 2010

MY NOW OF THEN



















STORY TELLING
HELLING DAYS
LOST INSIDE
THE QUANTUM MAZE
OF THINGS REVERSED
BY PLASTIC PEN
THIS MY NOW
MY NOW OF THEN

TECHNICOLOR
STREAMING SLIDES
OF PHYSICS FOUNTAIN
FROM ALL SIDES
CRAWLING THROUGH
THE SCREAMING PAST
SHATTERED STILL
LIKE BROKEN GLASS

TIME UNDONE
IN WRITTEN WORD
SENTENCES
OF WHISPERS HEARD
I ALIVE TO DIE AGAIN
THIS MY NOW
MY NOW OF THEN

ECHOES FALL
LIKE DYING STARS
FINGERS TOUCH
TOMORROW'S SCARS
I ALONE
CAN NOT PRETEND
THAT THIS MY NOW
IS NOT LIKE THEN

Robert Parker Jameson

Thursday, June 10, 2010

THE CIRCLE

TROUBLED DAYS
BLISTERED AND
BETRAYED
STAND SILENT
AGAINST THE
SCREAMING
BACKGROUND
OF ANTIPATHY...

WARS ARE WAGED
WITH SLOGANS
AND TRITE MOANS
AS DEMONS
OF ANGER
RISE OUT OF
FERTILE SOIL...

DECADENT HOURS
SPIN BY
IN SEARCH OF
THE MOTHER LOAD
WHILE DREAMS END
IN TEAR DRENCHED
MOMENTS....

TOIL AND
TROUBLE ABOUND
LIKE MARBLES
LOST IN
THE DUST
OUTSIDE
THE CIRCLE....

Bobby Jameson June 10, 2010

Monday, May 31, 2010

RAZOR BLADED DAYS OF HELL

MY LIFE ALONG THE RAZOR'S EDGE
NOT TO KILL MYSELF I PLEDGE
THOUGH MISERY AND PAIN ABOUND
THE SPINNING CRUSHING RUSHING GROUND

I SEE INSIDE MY BROKEN MIND
WHERE NONE HAVE GONE AND NONE COULD FIND
THE FROZEN CHILD WHO LIVES ALONE
PETRIFIED NOW TURNED TO STONE

I SCREAM NO SOUND FROM BLEEDING LIPS
MY TEARS OF DUST LIKE SINKING SHIPS
SEEK THE DEPTHS OF AGONY
BENEATH THE WAVES OF MOANING SEA

CRIMSON RUNS LIKE BOILED BLOOD
FROM IRON CUTS INTO THE MUD
OF THOUGHT ONCE THOUGHT BUT LEFT TO DIE
OF TIME RUN COLD WHAT LEFT TO TRY

THIS COSMIC JOKE OF MISERY
LIKE VIRUS LIFE SPREAD ENDLESSLY
INFECTS THE WORLD INFLICTS IT'S LIE
UPON EACH INFANT DOOMED TO DIE

I WATCH I BLEED AND SMILE AT DEATH
AND RANT AGAINST MY EVERY BREATH
I RAIL AT GOD I AM HIS STYE
KILL ME GOD I WANT TO DIE

THIS THE GIFT I SOUGHT AND SEEK
ACROSS THE VEIL AFRAID TO SPEAK
THE RAZOR BLADED DAYS OF HELL
MY RESTING PLACE I KNOW SO WELL

DIGNITY HAS SHUNNED MY FACE
BITTER SWEET IS ALL I TASTE
I STARE DIRECTLY AT THE SUN
MY EYES ON FIRE NO PLACE TO RUN

TAKE MY LIFE AND GIVE ME DEATH
KILL MY EVER PRESENT BREATH
LET ME GO AWAY FROM PAIN
STOP THE THINKING IN MY BRAIN

NOT SO MAD AS MADNESS GIVES
THIS HELL OF MINE WHERE SADNESS LIVES
I THE HOBO ON HIS WAY
RESENT MY EVERY WRETCHED DAY

Bobby Jameson August 17, 2008

From the Bobby Jameson blog

Thursday, April 1, 2010

GROUND ZERO


My body hangs suspended in air. Like a tiny leaf nestled on the wind. I float against the sun and blue of the sky. My eyes see everything and nothing as I linger with infinity. Human forms below stand motionless. Like steel statues pinned to the earth. No sound do I hear. Not a thing do I feel, but peace.

Faces reach out to me with their eyes. Guiding me, caressing me. The world stops in a gasp....breathless and still. "Where Oh Lord is this place?" I mutter....
no answer... The hills stand in awe of the moment. Moaning in unison at the spectacle before them... Birds watch with tears frozen in their eyes....

I drift slightly in the breeze and feel myself lose the air. I grab as it speeds away. The green of the earth shifts on the horizon and I slip into free fall. My mind races against the wind now pelting my face. The black steel of my home whispering as I careen downward.

Gone is the safety of my perch. Gone now my weightless body on the breeze. The human forms below in a frenzy as they jerk themselves awake. "Where is ground zero?"

I feel cold heavy air crashing against me as I race toward the dark bottom. Sadness fills my eyes. The gasp of an illogical conclusion. The calamity of it. The utter necessity of it..... "Why am I here? Why have I come to this?"

My thoughts end as I hit hard against the roof. My legs twist like paperclips beneath the weight of my body. My teeth shatter in my mouth along with my feet inside my boots. I cannot breath. I am alive... I fight to remain conscious. Struggle to gauge the extent of the damage...

Months later I lay in a hospital bed staring at the casts on my feet and legs.....No one came to see me but my mother....no one called or sent a card..... no one.....for months...... I could still hear the voices........I care about you Bobby...I care so much......

Bobby Jameson Mar 25, 2010




Wednesday, March 17, 2010

THE ANT















MOSSY GREEN
LINES THE POND...
PINE AND
SYCAMORE
STAND TOGETHER
WATCHING
REFLECTIONS OF
SKY ON WATER

I AM AMUSED
IN THIS PLACE...
FREE TO SMILE
AND PLAY
WITH A LONE ANT
ON HIS WAY
TO AN IMPORTANT
DESTINATION

I GIVE THE ANT
A NAME...
I SHOWER
THIS SMALL CREATURE
WITH MY LOVE
AND RESPECT
FOR THIS IS
A GALLANT ANT

NEVER BEFORE
HAVE I SEEN
SUCH GALLANTRY
FROM ONE
SO SMALL
YET UNAFRAID
I SURMISE
THE LESSON IS MINE

THOUGH I AM SMALL
I AM UNAFRAID
THOUGH I AM ALONE
I AM UNDAUNTED
THOUGH I AM NOT
AS GREAT AS YOU
I HAVE YOU
ADMIRING ME...

Bobby Jameson Mar 17, 2010

Monday, January 18, 2010

OUTLAW



OUTLAW
MY WAY....
BORN OUT
OF EXPERIENCE
BITTER IN
NATURE...
LIFELONG
FRUSTRATIONS
AGAINST THE
REALITIES
OF TIME
WHEN
WEAK MEN
USE
BAD LAW
AGAINST
THE MANY
AND LABOR
ENDLESSLY
IN PURSUIT
OF THEIR GREED

I...THE
SELF-PROCLAIMED
ENEMY
OF TYRANNY
AND DECEIT
GUNSLINGER
AND SOCIAL
REJECT...
ARMED
WITH A
SMITH AND WESSON
MOUTH
AND A
WINCHESTER
MIND...
RIDE BY
NIGHT
AGAINST
THE MOON
DETERMINED
AND ALONE
DANGEROUS AND
FREE

Bobby Jameson Jan 10, 2010

THE OBLIGATION



THE TOOLS OF
THE GUARD
STAND READY
IN THE INFINITE
CIRCUS OF LIFE

LIKE DAZZLING
STICKS
DANCING ON
FLUID AIR
THEY TWIRL

PROTECT AT
ALL COSTS
THOSE 
ENTRUSTED TO
YOUR CARE

LET NO ONE
MISTAKE THE
DEDICATION
OR PURPOSE 
OF THE GUARD

HE WILL NOT
WAVER 
OR CRY
NOR GIVE GROUND
TO INVADERS

LET THOSE
WHO HAVE HEARD
THE WARNING
NOW BE
OBLIGATED BY IT...

Boby Jameson Jan 1, 2010

NAKED LUNCH



I CANNOT EAT
WHAT IS UNFIT
I CANNOT FIT
INTO WHAT IS UNEATEN

THE NAKEDNESS
OF REALITY
THE GLARE OF MISERY
IN ONE'S EYES

THE MUTE SCREAM
OF SURVIVAL
TESTAMENT TO
LOSS AND DESPERATION

SQUANDER ALL
SAVE NOTHING
TOMORROW IS
SPOKEN FOR

NOT IN WORDS
BUT IN DEEDS
TO PROPERTY
TO MAYHEM

LOSE NOT THE
BATTLE OF DEATH
OR YOU SHALL BE
FACED WITH A LIFE

THE TRAGEDY OF
THE EXQUISITE
THE PAIN OF BEAUTY
GLANCING BACK

I HAVE COME THIS WAY
NOT OFTEN
BUT OFTEN ENOUGH
TO REMEMBER

REMEMBER THE LIGHT
REMEMBER THE ODOR
AND TO RECALL
MY LOST SOUL

Bobby Jameson Dec 22, 2009