Monday, September 20, 2010

Headaches...






I stand alone at four in the morning, moaning and cursing the pain in my head..
Can't sleep.... Just stare at the foggy sky wondering if I will ever get better.... wondering if I will ever have a time without this pain.....Twelve years of it... day and night....all day...everyday... and night........I watch the red tip of my cigarette glow in the semi light..... me and a smoke.....and the headache....the endless hell of non-stop misery.....

I am trying as hard as I have ever tried in my life to get along with the world...and failing miserably....I am prone to outbursts of anger, fueled by this ever present torture.... I don't know how to cope any better than I am...maybe I should just go...and leave the world alone......escape into solitude.........loneliness.......

I am always lured back to the world because of that....because of the loneliness.... my need to connect....to bring something to show...to tell someone about..... I make the mistake of complaining out loud...telling anyone who will listen how much it hurts....trusting I am amongst friends....... like a boomerang my words come back like another nail in my coffin....

My head explodes, and I am engulfed in explanations that go nowhere.... my frustration at my own stupidity for speaking out in public leave me suspect in my own eyes....I was trying.....I was really trying not to let this happen...another failure...another regret to throw on the endless heap of regrets called me.....like a child bewildered, I lash out at the email hell littered with comments.....

I am electronic in my need to hide...to dispose of you....me...them....us.......I run wildly through the universe of meddling applications....inflicting the crime of deletion on all I encounter.....Like a madman unleashed I destroy all I can touch within my pathetic realm of empty promises....I settle back into my victory, which is my defeat.....my misery......my loneliness of mesmerizing pain in my head.....

3 comments:

  1. Person is Place and Place is Person

    The Theme is The Word as Image.

    This written response comes to show marked appreciation for the message conveyed through these Years. I hope through the Word as Image, you convey even Wisdom. The writing from 2010 reaches England in the final days of 2011 ... The Year 2012 is bound to manifest understanding with the perspectives of Time and Space and the Lyrics go into a Song from 1427in the 1979-80 West Hollywood Era. I am your Memory, you will hear me say, along the Boulevard as our Guitars play. All you did was to inspire a street-playing kid from England ... I show gratitude and hope we meet again... writes Pete at Penryn in Cornwall, United Kingdom just before Christmas takes over.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Sir, I was in Bodmin Crown Court on July 7th 2,005ad and managed to have a sign of a Smile appear upon His Honour Judge Overend's Face when I uttered the Words ... The Way you Lawyers behave, it is as though the only Tool you have is a Hammer and therefore you treat every problem as a Nail. My Appeal did succeed and His Honour Judge Overend has opened-up a Route to being paid some Money ... Legally.
    I started to sing my Lyrics for The Land of Milk and Honey as a poor street-musician patrolling Europe. Jesus they love Money.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Thanks for this Bradshaw...Bobby

    ReplyDelete